All things considered, Sienna's first hangover hadn't been that bad. As soon as our previous nights' escapade had ended we babysat Sienna for the rest of the evening. She was giggly, slurring, and hardly able to stand. We encouraged her to drink enough water to ward off the worst effects of the hangover and had allowed her to sleep in our bed to make sure she didn't choke on her own vomit sometime in the night. While she didn't throw-up in our bed, she did piss herself. Not totally unexpected and worth it to ensure she was okay.
Our attempts to keep her hydrated seemed to have been successful, as she'd only had an initial bout of nausea and a headache that responded well to some aspirin. Amber had run out as soon as Sienna's head was out of the toilet bowl to 'get some supplies,' which sounded ominous and fanned my curiosity. Amber was never without a plan, and I doubted she'd return with toilet paper and a toothbrush as much as something much more interesting. When she did return she had a white plastic bag from the local drugstore and a small brown one from the pharmacy.
I watched as she wordlessly moved to the kitchen table and began unloading her goods. Cigarettes, alcohol, electronics duster, and a bottle of pills. I had seen this movie before.
"Already? You don't think this is a bit soon?" I asked, doubting my own conviction in stopping or slowing this down even as I was saying it.
"She's like me, babe. Did you ever worry things were 'too much' for me?" She asked, knowing that even if I answered 'yes' that it hadn't stopped me at the time.
But I was a kid, I could now recognize how reckless we'd been. Did I really want to try my luck again?
"Sometimes, but I was addicted to it as much as you were. And we were both kids. I don't know if we should push as hard or go as far when it comes to our daughter," I explained, surprised at my own level-headedness.
"Go as far with what? What are you guys talking about?" Asked Sienna from behind me, who had entered the room without my knowledge.
I spun around and felt my cheeks burn. I didn't know why but I felt a little guilty for consulting Amber about Sienna's future without her around. I realized that she may only be 18, but she had certainly earned a seat at the table of discussion when it came to her own limits.
"Your dad is just worried that we're moving too fast, honey. He doesn't want you to get overwhelmed," Amber cut in, being more sympathetic to my concern than I would have anticipated.
Sienna smiled warmly and began walking toward me, clearly touched at my version of 'fatherly concern.'
"Oh daddy, don't worry about me," she began while wrapping her arms around me in a loving embrace, "these past two days have been the best days of my life. Seriously. This is who I am, it's who I've always been. I've just been denied and protected and caged. Please don't stop now," she murmured softly into my chest.
I caught Amber's gaze as I continued hugging Sienna and she was wearing a sly grin and a familiar gleam.
I grinned back in defeat, doing my best to convey 'you win.'
Sienna pulled back and looked up at me lovingly, pursing her lips suggestively and standing on her toes inviting a kiss. I graciously obliged her request and kissed her softly and slowly, pulling each of her plump lips into my mouth momentarily while cradling her head in my hands.
With a final twinkle in her eye she pulled back and smiled at me, content that we'd reached an understanding. She immediately turned to see Amber, who stood beaming next to the kitchen table of items she'd brought home to fuel her continued corruption.
"For me?" Sienna asked in surprise, only now seeing the collection of goods splayed out on the table.
"For you," Amber confirmed proudly.
Sienna walked over to the table slowly, allowing her eyes to scan the various items one by one. There was a six pack of Bud Light cans, a bottle of Wild Turkey 101, a carton of Newport 100's, a yellow BIC lighter, two cans of 'Electronics Duster,' and a single orange bottle of pills.
Sienna stood before the items, touching a few of them and seeming to marvel at the experiences that await her. She motioned to the carton of Newports and looked over to Amber with a wry grin.
"That's a lot of cigarettes, mom. We only have a few months, remember?" Sienna quipped playfully.
"You'd better get started honey. I want your lungs to be black like your mother's. I want you to pollute that perfect young body as quickly as you can," Amber responded, wasting no time in making her intentions known.
In truth, I was a bit taken aback by her words and their implications. While I was not naïve and understood fully that this young, highly athletic woman would be harming her body in very real ways, I hadn't been viewing it from the perspective of that being the goal—only a byproduct. Sienna being a star athlete and having received an athletic scholarship to attend college was a big deal and interfering with that could be a devastating change of course for her.
Additionally, I was concerned by how Sienna would react to this depraved, naked display of intent on behalf of her mother. Wanting to 'be bad' is one thing, but intentionally fouling your body was another. It was something that Amber became obsessed with and turned-on by, but I always felt that it was quite rare and a real lucky circumstance for myself and not something that I'd ever encounter again—much less with my daughter 18-years later. I waited with baited breath for her response, wondering what kind of ambivalence was swimming around in her mind.
She smiled deviously, and her eyes flashed wide, apparently energized by her mother's blunt instruction.
"I want you to ruin me mommy, corrupt me and use me and fill me with sin," she replied breathlessly, seemingly overcome with passion.
