I found the house easily enough. It was the one registering 8 on the Richter Scale as the throbbing bass pumped relentlessly from the kind of system Black Sabbath might have considered overkill.
To be honest this was the last place I wanted to be at 1:00 on a cold, drizzly Sunday morning. I had had half a bottle of whiskey and was slumped in my comfy chair in front of a log fire when I was rudely awoken by what I assumed was a wrong number from an excitable Portuguese washer woman, but which turned out to be my daughter, worse for drink, pleading with me to pick her up and take her home as she "felt a little delicate."
This was so annoying. I had assumed that after she hit 18 my responsibilities as taxi driver were over. Furthermore I couldn't drive with that amount of malt heating my veins so I agreed, reluctantly, to walk the mile and a bit and escort her home. This was not such a bad plan, the party was in a rough area, taxis were impossible to come by at that hour, and I needed some fresh air anyway.
With the light drizzle creeping down my neck I ventured forth and knocked the door. A futile gesture since the chance of anyone hearing it was remote, and anyway it was slightly ajar already. A girl suddenly appeared from out of the bushes behind me, followed by a boy of the same age. They looked at me with a mixture of sheepishness and inquisitiveness as though I had an extra head. These kids....they think they invented it don't they?
"Do either of you two know Cherie?"
"Is she in trouble?" asked the boy wide eyed and earnest.
"No, I've come to walk her home"
"Wow, lucky Cherie-" slurred the girl.
"I'm her father!"
"Oh....wow lucky Cherie," she repeated.
"I'll get her" said the boy, and disappeared inside leaving me waiting awkwardly at the porch. The girl was clearly in no state to hold a conversation of any sort so I just tried to find something interesting in the brickwork. Bathed in one of the two ornamental lanterns at the sides of the front door I noticed she was quite beautiful. This, despite the fact that, without the wall to support her, she would have melted into a squashy heap at my feet.
"ijuhasex," she mumbled
"excuse me?"
"Ijusssadsex "
"Oh...that's. Nice"
Not for the first time I wished I was back at the log fire with my feet up nursing a generous glug of Glenlivet
"See?"
And with that she lifted her little dress and exposed her shaved vagina, newly deposited sperm dripping from its folds and down her legs.
"Um...I'll -"