"Daa-aad. Are you almost done?" Vivian leans against the big bay window with her hand on her hip, eyeing me impatiently over the tops of her sunglasses.
"Yes sweetie of course, just give me a sec," I say, scarcely glancing up. It's such a sight -- my beautiful slender Vietnamese stepdaughter standing there in her sundress with her hair clipped up, silhouetted against the sparkling blue of the Pacific Ocean. Or at least I'm sure it would be, if I allowed myself more than a moment to look. Work comes first, though, and by the time I glance again she's gone, stepping across the large sunlit living room with an air of boredom.
"You said that five minutes ago..." she complains, crossing to the door and checking the driveway. "Ah! Raul's here. You'd better be done now! Come onnn, let's go! All you've been doing is working!"
I close the computer, rubbing my eyes. She's right, of course...but I've got to provide for us, and I'm doing it the only way I know how. I've gotta show my gratitude.
When work heard about what happened with my house, they were quite concerned to say the least. One of the founders even went so far as to put us up in a place: his timeshare, a posh seaside villa amongst the hills of Puerto Verde, Mexico.
They told me to take some time off, but god damn am I grateful and I just want to show how much. I guess I have been going at it pretty hard -- we've been here three days and I've scarcely looked away from the screen. Shit's been stressful though, what with handling insurance and thinking about...other things. I guess work is just what I do to escape from my problems, as funny as that sounds.
Vivian's watching me expectantly from the door, and I feel a pang of guilt as I get up. We haven't really spent much time together since coming here. She's spent her days studying and attending college classes online, or going on little daytrips with our driver Raul, while I've been busy with my spreadsheets. It's not that I've been avoiding her, it's just...things have been complicated, ever since the night of the flood. Honestly, I'm still not sure how to handle what happened, and we haven't spoken of it since -- things were kind of crazy coming here, and once we got settled I thought maybe we could get past it if we each did our own thing for awhile. Clearly I thought wrong, though: by now it's obvious she's miffed at me for being aloof.
Raul steps through the door as I'm collecting my sandals, looking cheerful as usual. He's a big guy, tall and broad-shouldered with a bit of a paunch. He's by far the biggest Mexican I've met since coming here, and he'd cut quite the intimidating figure if he weren't so damn friendly.
"Hola señorita Vivian, you're looking pretty today as always," he smiles, giving her a fistbump. "And señor Coleman, I hear you're finally coming with us?"
"Yeah, I got him to agree to actually come out of the house for once," Viv says with a snide glance in my direction. "I'm worried he's gonna shrivel up like an old plant if we don't get him some sunlight."
"Ah well, we'd hate for that to happen, señor," Raul grins, gesturing for us to follow. "Let's get you two out there to enjoy the day, huh?"
"Thank you, Raul," I say, making a face at Viv as we head to the car.
Raul has me sit up front with him, happy to point out the sights he's already shown Vivian as we make our way down the hill -- the old Catholic churches, the weathered statues of saints and revolutionary leaders, the breathtaking views of the sea. There's so much sun, so much life, so much color; it's hard to believe just a few days ago we were surrounded by stormy gray skies and pouring rain. I marvel at the manycolored birds overhead, at the bright lizards scampering across the road, at the riot of green things growing just about everywhere. It's a beautiful day, in a beautiful place. Maybe Viv was right...maybe I did just need to get outside.
Raul takes us to a nearby town, a once-sleepy fishing village that's become something of a tourist hotspot for its open-air market. There, we have lunch and check out the stalls, searching for things to wear. Honestly, I'm in bad need of clothes -- all I have is some sweats and whatever Viv was able to fit in her backpack when we escaped, which wasn't much. Fortunately she got our passports and important papers, and she was able to save my old laptop which I've since given her to do schoolwork with...but by this point I've been wearing the same pants for three days, and it's hotter than hell out.
"I just don't want to look too much like a tourist," I tell Raul and Viv as they help me pick out some shorts and shirts.
"Amigo, you're a gringo in México. You're gonna look like that no matter what," Raul laughs, making me smile in spite of myself.
Vivian skips ahead as we make our way through the market, her bare shoulders catching my attention. I can't help but notice the way the breeze blows her dress around her beautiful body, the way her clipped-up hair shows off the nape of her delicate neck.
An unwelcome feeling stirs in me as I watch.
Things have been awkward since those nights we spent together, and still I'm struggling with feelings of guilt. She's been eager for my attention ever since, and put off that I won't give it, and it's made things so, so difficult.
I mean...I love her, more than anything. I care for her like no one else.
But at the same time I'm terrified. Terrified of what we've done, of how easily it's happened. Of how easily it could happen again. I'm terrified of what she wants, of what it all means, of this sudden taboo twist to our relationship.
What scares me most, though, what keeps me awake and staring at the ceiling all fucking night, is the fact that deep down inside I might want those things too. That I might want to feel again what I felt when I was with her. That now that I've had her, I can think of nothing else. That maybe I love her in more ways than one.
She turns suddenly and catches me offguard, dazzling me with that irresistible smile -- the one that makes my heart ache, the one that ties my stomach in knots. It's getting harder and harder to get a handle on my feelings, and as she turns to go, laughing, waving for me to catch up, I feel my heart go with her.
*But what sort of a man fucks his own stepdaughter?*
I scowl, struggling with memories of her bare body in my arms. It's unacceptable. It's way over the goddamn line; it's sicko shit, it's practically criminal. She may be the most beautiful girl, the one I secretly yearn for...but how the hell could I let myself have her?
I shake my head, desperately trying to clear it. I just want to do what's best for us. Why is that so goddamn hard?
I'm still stewing in my own private hell when a group of drunk young American men stumble out of a bar up ahead. One turns to stare at Viv as she disappears around the next corner.
"Daamn bro...I gotta get me a hot little Asian bitch like that," he laughs to his friends, letting out a low whistle. "Teach her some English and shit..."
I stop in my tracks, stunned; I've never heard anyone talk about her like that. Suddenly I'm filled with a terrible anger, a frustrated rage the likes of which I've never felt.
My mind switches off -- I step up and hit him as hard as I can.
He staggers as I catch him clean, but doesn't go down. His friends round on me in confusion and start to swing wildly, the blows just barely missing my head as I stumble over a pair of crates and slam into a wall. Two of them move forward, glaring and cracking their knuckles, and suddenly it dawns on me what I've done, that I'm about to get my ass kicked.
Then Raul is there; he shoves one of the guys back, he slugs the other and sends him falling into his friends. They bunch up, ready to rush us, but Raul pulls up his shirt first and everyone freezes.
A pistol grip is there at his waist, his fingers trailing lightly over it. Suddenly big Raul doesn't look so friendly.
"Amigos...hola," he says, eyeing them warily. "Listen -- we are gonna go over that way. You are gonna go the other way. You're gonna go have a drink and have a nice day, and fuck off. Sí?"
The two that were hit scowl at us, but their friends are quick to drag them away, disappearing down the street in a hurry. Raul glances around; noting the few onlookers, he pulls me off the wall and hastily walks us away from the scene as well.
