When I met my "brother ", I'd just started dating his best friend, and he naturally introduced us. My "brother" is a fairly handsome guy, and is in decent shape, so there was some initial attraction. But, he wasn't someone I would date, for a number of reasons. First off, he's twice my age, and while my "boyfriend" is 12 years older than me, he's another 15 years older than that. He's also married and has kids, two who are older than me, and two young ones from his current wife. And, there's a language and cultural barrier, since he's American and I'm Turkish. True, his Turkish isn't that bad, and when writing messages, I handle his English no problem. It's just that when you date someone, you want to communicate easily, and you want to have the same references. So, since we have to work at talking to each other, we have a lot of misunderstandings. And, if you have that in normal conversation, it would be even worse in a relationship.
One such misunderstanding is why I call him my "brother " and why he calls me his "sister ". You see, before we even met, my "boyfriend " told me about the problem in his marriage. That problem is an almost complete lack of sex, because his wife isn't interested in it. Normally, that wouldn't be something I'd concern myself with, because a lot of people have low sex drives. His problem though is that his wife constantly does things designed to get him horny, and promises him sex, but never delivers. What I mean is that she will sit on his lap, whisper dirty things in his ear, and tell him how much she wants him to fuck her. Except that she does it at times when it's impossible for them to do anything. Then, when they do have the chance to do it, she pushes him away with excuses about why she can't make love. Like she has a headache, her stomach hurts, she's too tired, or whatever other reason she can find. If it happened once or twice, it would be understandable. When she makes the promise 3 to 4 times a week, and they maybe do it once every two months, it's deliberate cruelty. And, she's been doing that to him for the last 9 of the 10 years they've been married.
So, why doesn't he divorce her, or start cheating on her? It's because he's one of those truly nice guys, and doesn't want to hurt anyone, especially not his children. That means divorce is completely out of the question. He has thought about cheating though, since even he admits she has no right to expect him to remain faithful. However, he's reluctant to do it, because he isn't into prostitutes, or one night stands. He's more into the girlfriend or mistress type thing, something with actual feelings between them. Except, of course, they also have to accept the fact that he won't divorce his wife. What makes him reluctant is the fact that he's American, because that makes him a prime marriage catch regardless of his age. And that means he can't trust the girls not to sabotage his marriage, even if they do say they accept him not getting a divorce.
After having learned all this from my "boyfriend ", and seeing what a great guy he is, I obviously felt he deserved better. So, I made it my goal to help him in any way I could, including trying to find him a girl he could trust. However, because of his reluctance to cheat, I decided to start with something that might actually help him at home. That was to take advantage of the one thing that did make his wife interested in sex, her fear of losing him and the financial security he provided her. I mean, the times that she did give him sex, were when she felt their marriage was at risk. For example, whenever they had a really big fight, usually about sex, and didn't talk for a few days. Or when he'd stop paying attention to her completely, when she'd gone a couple of months without giving him sex. The one I chose though, was where some pretty girl would start flirting with him, raising the possibility that he might accept what she was offering. And, I did that by helping him to dress in a way that would make him even more attractive to women. Like I said, he's already handsome and gets the eye from a few women. But, I knew he'd get a lot more attention if he stopped wearing old man clothes, and wore things that were more fun.
Our big misunderstanding happened during the two weeks I was trying to help him with this. Because, we had to spend some time together, in order to go shopping for his new clothes. Since his wife was gone for those two weeks, it was the perfect time for us to do that. It was also the perfect time to take him to a nightclub to show him how effective his new look was. The thing is, that when I was trying to point out couples who were obviously only together for sex, I tried to use words he'd understand. You know, telling him to look at this couple or that couple, and see how clear it was that they were only fuck buddies. Well, between how much time we'd spent together, how close I stayed to him at the club, and me talking about fuck buddies, he got the wrong idea. He thought that I was offering to become his fuck buddy, and since he trusted me not to sabotage his marriage, he was all for that idea. It took another week to straighten that out, without losing him as a friend. And, according to my "boyfriend ", because of his attraction for me, the only way he could keep being my friend, was to put me in the "sister " zone. Meaning that once he started thinking of me as his sister, he could still be close to me without wanting to fuck me. So, he started calling me his "sister " and I started calling him my "brother ".
It was after he put me in that zone, that we really started talking to each other. I mean, without any sexual tension in the way, we can talk to each other about anything. That even includes talking about our sex lives, in general terms at least. And that brings me to why I keep referring to my "boyfriend " in quotation marks. Because, one of the things he and I talk about is the fact that his best friend doesn't consider me his girlfriend. The way he looks at it, we are more like "friends with benefits " than we are boyfriend and girlfriend. He enjoys hanging out with me, and he enjoys having sex with me too, when we have it. And, we are both exclusive with each other, meaning neither of us is having sex with anyone else. But, he gets angry if anyone calls us boyfriend and girlfriend, and he doesn't consider what we have a relationship of any kind. So, I get frustrated sometimes, especially when he makes last minute plans that either include me or exclude me, without discussing them with me. And, I frequently get the feeling that were I to disappear, he wouldn't care that I was gone. It's these kinds of things, along with normal BS about my life, that I share with my "brother " while he shares his marriage problems with me.