My sister and I arrived at the inn. We parked and got out of the car. When we walked in, it was the same as it had always been. Wood interior, the deer's head on the wall, the fireplace, the furniture. Even the TV was the same. We walked up to the front desk where an old lady was standing.
"Hi," I said. "We've got a reservation for a cabin. The name is Harris."
The old lady adjusted her glasses. "Tom Harris? Is that you?"
I smiled. "Hi Barbara."
"Oh my! You're all grown up!" She turned to my sister. "Oh, and you too, Kelly! It's been so long since I've seen you two!"
"What was it, ten years?" Kelly said. "I'm surprised you remember us."
"You came here every summer from when you were toddlers to when you were teenagers," Barbara said. "I got to know you two pretty well. Your parents too. Will they be joining you later?"
Kelly and I looked at each other. "Well, no." I said. "They both passed last year. Car accident that took them both."
Barbara's eyes widened. "Oh my! I'm so sorry to hear that! Oh, you poor dears."
"Oh no," Kelly said. "I feel bad that we never called and told you."
"Now don't you two worry about that!" Barbara said.
"It's been a bit rough for us both, honestly," I said. "I guess that's why we decided to come back. Just get away from our jobs and come back to where we had some happy memories, you know?"
"I know exactly what you mean, sweetie," Barbara said as she handed me the key to the cabin. "You just enjoy your stay here. If you need anything, don't hesitate to ask, okay?"
"Thanks Barbara," I said.
Kelly and I went back out to the car and grabbed our bags. We carried them over to the cabin. Like the lobby at the inn, nothing had changed since we last stayed there. I set my bags down in the living room and went into the kitchen. Kelly set hers down and followed me. We could see Lake Superior from the kitchen window and hear the waves.
"Remember how back then we used to sit out here and just listen to that at night?" I said.
"Yeah, I remember how we fell asleep on the floor a couple times," Kelly said. "Heh. Mom and dad had to carry us up the stairs to the beds."
We went out the kitchen door. We stood on the path were the grass merged with sand from the beach. I looked out to the lake and watched the waves. I looked over at Kelly and saw she was watching them too.
"Remember how we would stand out here with Mom sometimes?" she said. "Watching the lake was like a religious experience for her. She would always talk about how we could see God's glory in all of this. The beauty of God's creation. Even at church, she wasn't that enthusiastic. But here, it's like the meaning of everything was obvious to her."
We stood there in silence for a moment.
"I really miss her," Kelly said. I heard her voice tremble a little. I put my arm around her and pulled her close to me.
"I do too. Her and Dad," I said.
"Yeah," Kelly rested her head on my shoulder. There was another moment of silence as we watched the waves on the lake.
"Tom, do you think there is a god?" Kelly asked.
I thought about it for a moment. "Well, it would break Mom and Dad's heart to say this, but I'm really not sure anymore. Mom always told us we need to have faith, but I guess I just don't have it."
Kelly sighed. "I think I feel the same way. I'd like to think that there is, and that Mom and Dad are in Heaven right now. But it all just feels like wishful thinking. When I look at this lake I don't feel anything I could call 'god'. I mean the lake is really beautiful, but I don't think I feel what Mom felt."
"It kind of reminds of that one poem I found in one of Dad's books. 'The Sea of Faith / Was once, too, at the full, and round earth's shore / Lay like the folds of a bright girdle furled. / But now I only hear / Its melancholy, long, withdrawing roar,'" I said.
"Oh yeah, I remember you showed me that poem. It's called 'Dover Beach' right?"
"Yeah."
"That's a pretty accurate description of what the lake sounds like. 'Melancholy, long, withdrawing roar.'"
We stood there and watched the lake. I scanned the horizon where the lighter blue of the sky met the darker blue of the water. Whenever I looked out there, I had always thought I could see some vague image of the other side. That probably wasn't possible, it was the biggest lake in the US. I doubt anyone's vision was good enough to see across it into Canada.
I looked at the beach. I watched the lake go in and out. The dark and compacted sand where the lake hit reminded me of the times Kelly and I would make little sand castles and watch the water knock them down. I remembered the time when I was 10 and swam out too far. I started flailing and splashing in panic, and Dad had to swim out to get me. When he brought me back, Kelly hugged me and started crying. I think she was more scared than I was.
I also remembered that one time. I was 15 and Kelly was 14. It was the second to last time we came up here as a family. Kelly and I went for a walk up the beach to some remote part where there were no cabins and no other people around. We sat in the sand and just talked for a little bit. It started off innocent. I just I started teasing her. Soon we were horsing around and laughing. Then it started to turn serious. Very serious.
I could feel myself getting excited as I remembered it. I think Kelly felt it too.
