I hesitated slightly before moving onwards to Aayahmah's room. She meant a lot to me - I respected her and it mattered to me what she thought of me. I did not want my love and respect for her, or likewise her (motherly) love and affection for me, to diminish.
Her door was slightly ajar and I knocked before letting myself in, still quite anxious as to how she was going to react and more worried about what my parents were going to say the next day when they found out from her.
Aayahmah was sitting on her bed, reading Kumudam (a Tamil magazine) β she had a large double bed which she shared with Mala (when Mala was home for holidays). She had a long night gown on and her hair was let loose. When she saw me, she put the magazine away and stood up.
"How long has this been going on? How long have you been peeping on your parents?" she asked me sternly.
"Only since yesterday, Aayahmah. Really, I promise! I heard a noise when I went to get a pillow and out of curiosity, I looked" I blabbered, looking at the floor in shame.
"Please, please don't tell Mom and Dad," I begged. "I will not do it again," I said.
"I am just surprised it's you, Mohan" she said. "I didn't expect you to be doing that so openly, dirty things, you know with your thing out, playing with yourself while you peeped on your parents," she continued. "You were always the good child, so it really shocked me to catch you like that," said Aayahmah.
She walked towards me and touched my face, raising my face up with her right hand to look at her. "Chellam, it's okay. You are a young man now and you will surely have all these boyish urges. So don't be ashamed about it, but please be more discrete β don't let anyone else catch you," she explained.
"And, don't worry, I won't tell your parents, ok?" she continued.
Looking at my still worried face, she said "Smile da. I will keep it our secret."
She moved back to her bed and sat down. Calling to me, she said "Come here and lie down on my laps, Mohan - it's been a long time since you did that. You used to do that so frequently when you were younger."
I obeyed her without any questions and sat down on the bed next to her. I placed my head on her laps, looking away from her towards the wall, and stretched out my legs on her bed, still unsure of whether she will tell on me. She stroked my hair and face and talked to me. Yes, it had been a long time since she mothered me like that.
"I brought you up since you were born, Mohan. You are like my own son, any which way you look at it. Your Mom knows what you and your sisters mean to me, especially you β you were the son I longed for and never had. I have seen you grow up now into a fine person β a caring, intelligent and handsome young man" she told me, with genuine affection. "That's why I was shocked to see you in that state in your sister's room," she continued in her calm manner.
"Did watching your parents make you excited?" she asked, still stroking my hair.
"Yes Aayahmah," was my reply.
"What were they doing?" she asked.
"Everything" I replied.
"What everything?" teased Aayahmah.
"Sex" I answered.
"When two people truly love and want each other, it's not sex, Chellam. It's making love" she explained and then continued "your parents love each other so very much and they express their love in a very physical way," sounding so much like how I felt last night after watching my parents for the first time.
"Was it your first time seeing people like that or?" asked Aayahmah.
"In real life yes, but I have seen some dirty movies and magazines" I answered.
"Really? And, which is better?" she continued with her questions.
"Nothing could ever compare to what I saw my parents doing, Aayahmah" I told her.
I felt comfortable now, talking openly with her. With my head on her fleshy thighs I brought my left hand to rest on her knee. I moved the back of my head closer to her body, feeling the warmth radiating from her tummy as well as her thighs. I felt a little different too β lying on a woman's legs and no longer just on a mother's legs.
"Have you ever slept with a girl yet?" Aayahmah asked.
"No!" I replied
"Nowhere near a girl? Not even a kiss or a touch?" she persisted with her questioning.
"No, Aayahmah. I am a complete virgin" I answered.
She laughed and said "You are only 18, Chellam. That's alright."
I turned to face her, with the back of my head now resting on her thighs. I looked up to see her beautiful face and body silhouetted against the light. I noticed her large, plump breasts now, underneath her gown, kept safely inside by the buttons on the front of her night gown. She kept stroking my hair and forehead with her right hand while her left hand rested on my tummy.
"Have you heard them before, Aayahmah?" I asked, "My parents in their room, I mean?"
She looked into my eyes before answering me "Now I know why you asked all those funny questions this morning! Yes I have heard them and I have also seen them, Mohan. Just like you, out of curiosity. But that was long ago."
"Will you please keep it our secret? That I have watched them?" she asked.
"Yes, I promise" I replied.
She bent down to kiss my forehead.
"How do you feel when you see them?" I continued with the questions.