BEA
We have lived in our pretty little picturebook cottage for fifteen years now and I often joke that the villagers will accept us one day soon. But no, really, we love it here and fit in with the social life of the village very well. My husband is a self-employed builder, but most of his work is down in the London area, so off he goes in his van every morning and doesn't get back till late. He works hard for the two of us and I still love him to bits after all these years.
Jim and his wife live a couple of houses away just up the road. They are quite a bit older than us and both their kids have left home, but they look after themselves well and neither of them look their age. Jim must be all of six foot - he towers over me, and when he grins at me with those crinkly blue eyes of his I always think what an attractive man he is. Over the years I have sometimes wondered what it would be like to be married to someone so much taller than my husband and yes, I confess that I have thought once or twice that if I was in bed with Jim we would both be the same height, if you see what I mean. And then I shake my head and tell myself not to be silly.
JIM
Bea and her husband are near neighbors of ours. They live just down the road in a pretty white-walled thatched cottage, and every time I see her I am aware of my regrettable and continuing failure to obey the tenth commandment. She is not a new young wife, nor yet an older early-middle-aged one, but is at that delightful period in between, old enough to know what life is all about and still young enough to do something about it. In my eyes she is five feet three inches of utterly desirable female with a small body that still manages to curve deliciously in and out in all the right places, neither stick insect thin nor too well rounded. And I'm sorry, Lord, but I covet her.
In what was turning out to be another hot day I was walking up from the village shop with the morning papers when she called out to me as I passed her garden. She said that her husband was away, she was in urgent need of the services of a hunky man like me, and she promised that in return she would personally submit to my deepest desires.
Well, OK, I lie! That is what she says in my many fantasies about her. What she actually said was that himself had gone off to work, there was a monstrous great spider in the bath and she dared not go near it in case it jumped out and grabbed her. I shot up to the bathroom and sure enough there it was, looking up at me and saying die, die. Well, it is as much a living thing as we are so I got a postcard from the letter rack and a large pint glass, persuaded it into the glass, covered the top with the card and then took it outside and dropped it into the hedge on the other side of the road.
BEA
That was the day I went into the bathroom and found this monster spider in the bath. Well, there was no way I was going to stay in the same room as that thing, and even though it was another hot day I resigned myself to having to go without my morning shower. I wandered out on to the patio at the side of the house and then saw Jim coming up the road as he does every day, walking round the village and picking up the morning papers on the way.
I called out to him and explained my problem, and he grinned at me and called me a weak female as I led him up to the bathroom, where the spider was still very much in residence. I stayed by the door while Jim went down to the kitchen, got a beer glass and a postcard from the letter rack and gently eased the spider into the glass and took it outside and dumped it in the hedge. He said it was a living thing and didn't deserve to be killed just because it had got lost, and I thought that was typical of him, to be so considerate of life.
JIM
After I got rid of the spider I went back into the kitchen where delicious little Bea was all grateful thanks, and I took a deep mental breath and said that I thought I deserved a reward for fighting this dangerous spider to a standstill. She grinned and said oh yes, and what do you have in mind? I suggested that a big hug from her would be a suitable token of her thanks, and without hesitation she came over, put her arms round my waist and placed her gorgeous body gently but firmly right up against mine. Since I am six foot tall her head ended up resting against my chest with her hair just nicely tickling my chin, and I should make it clear right now that I didn't have any complaints about that at all. I put both hands equally gently and firmly against the warm curve of her back and held her close and thought to myself that this is what heaven will be like.