Recollections of My First

Where do I start? This is my first attempt ever at writing of any kind, erotica or otherwise, so bear with me if it's not quite novel-ready. I'm still trying to work out my own individual style, and I'm sure it'll evolve over time as I continue to tell this story. I'm also still trying to figure out formatting for submitting stories to lit, so please feel free to reach out if you have any pointers!

Speaking of this story, yes, it's entirely true. I've held onto it for nearly a decade without ever speaking a word of these events or my budding sexuality to a soul. I'm not going to change or add anything to make the story more interesting for you (sorry!), but I will try to describe everything in a way that will hopefully get a few people off.

I've been an avid reader of non-fiction from a young age, and one theme I always appreciate is when an author just drops you into the middle of a living world and lets the reader piece things together over time. I'm no author (yet), so I'll at least toss you a bone and give you the bare minimum before we begin:

I was 19 and living with my two best friends at the time and had just gone through a rough breakup. She had been cheating on me quite prolifically, and it seemed at the time like I was the only person on the planet that hadn't had a clue. I've always questioned my sexuality but had never dared explore or act on my curiosities. Quick FYI, I am now very comfortable in my bisexuality (at least in private), but don't worry, this story is devoid of any female influence.

Long story short, bad breakup leads to questioning everything, leads to making a secret online dating profile, leads to looking for another guy to talk to, leads to meeting Ryan, the first and only man I've ever been with. So without further ado, here's how it started:

****

"So you're still down to come over tonight?" the text from Ryan read. "If you aren't ready, I'll understand, but we can just hang out and get to know each other without having to fool around."

It was just after 3pm, and I was supposed to be heading over to his place around 8. We had been leading up to this day for a couple of weeks, and in my head it was now or never. My heart pounding, I quickly replied: "No, I still want to. I've been thinking about it nonstop."

He clearly wasn't very busy at work because his response came back almost instantly. "Good, I'm excited to finally see you. What have you been thinking about exactly? 😉" He knew full well what I'd been thinking about, since we had been sexting daily for almost two weeks.

"You... Your cock..." I replied, feeling my face flush at how embarrassing it still felt to admit that. Glancing over at Paul and Matt, they were still laser focused on their Call of Duty match and paying me no mind, thankfully. Setting my phone down, I shifted on the couch to push my rising cock behind the waistband of my sweats so that they wouldn't accidentally notice my oddly timed arousal.

A few minutes went by before my phone vibrated again and in my excitement to continue the conversation, I opened Ryan's latest message without thinking about a possible need for discretion. Dead centre on my screen was a picture of his half hard, uncut cock hanging out of his jeans.

Exactly at that moment, Matt yelled "DUDE! What the fuck man?!" I nearly jumped out of my skin, dropping my phone to the floor as I fumbled and failed to close the text message. I could feel my face burning from embarrassment and I started to stammer a hasty reply and denial when Paul laughed, "Told you I'd get you back fucker. Watch your friendly fire next time!"

Jesus, I thought for sure that I'd been found out. My poor heart couldn't handle much more of this cloak and dagger business. Glancing down, I realized my phone had landed face up on the carpet and Ryan's semi-flaccid cock was still on display for the world to see.

As their game ended and Matt turned towards me to offer me the controller, I quickly slid my foot over my phone to hide my shame. "Your turn bud. Even though rightfully I should have won that" he said, rolling his eyes at Paul. "Hey you okay? You look like you just saw a ghost".

I just shook my head and latched onto the lifeline I had been offered. "Nah, I feel nauseous for some reason, I think I'm going to head upstairs and lay down for a bit. Hopefully it'll pass soon."

Not likely

, I thought. "Aight, but if you aren't feeling up to your date tonight, I'd be more than happy to take care of her for you" Matt said with a smirk and a wink.

Standing up, I bent down to pick up my phone that had by then timed out and was blessedly blank. "Nah I'm good man, but I really appreciate your overwhelming generosity" I shot back, heading up the stairs. I smiled inwardly, thinking about what he had unknowingly offered.

Closing the door to my room, I fell back onto the bed and unlocked my phone. Once again, the object of my hidden desire lit up the screen, and my mouth immediately began to water. He'd sent me pictures of his dick before, in differing stages of rigidity, and each time my body reacted in exactly the same way. His was bigger than mine, apparently around 7.5 inches, straight with a large mushroom head, and deliciously thick. Even nearly flaccid it looked perfect to me -- a cock I would have been proud to flaunt if it were only attached to my body.

My phone vibrated when he texted me again, pulling me out of my revery. "Is this the cock you've been thinking about nonstop?" his message read. My own member responded immediately, recovering quickly from its earlier abrupt softness.

"God, yes. I could stare at it for hours...my mouth's watering right now just looking at it. BTW, you nearly got me caught by my roommates when you sent that, FML" I sent back as I scrolled up to once again stare at his dick.

His reply came quickly: "Mmm, you can stare at it for hours tonight if you want 😉. Haha uh oh, you alone now?".

I answered him with a short "yep, couldn't handle that much stress". He didn't reply right away, so I navigated to the album I had created on my phone where I kept all the pictures he'd sent as well as snippets of conversations we'd had that were particularly hot. As I scrolled through with one hand, my other hand pushed past the band of my sweatpants to slowly fondle my now straining erection. Over two months since the last time I fucked my ex, plus nearly two weeks of relentless forbidden arousal had me close to the edge constantly and I was masturbating at least twice a day. I badly needed a proper sexual outlet.

Nearly 20 minutes passed without another message from Ryan, so I figured he was probably busy finishing up his workday. I sighed, knowing I should probably start preparing for my impending "date" soon. For reasons I couldn't explain, I wanted to be completely hairless for him, so I had bought a few bottles of hair removal cream and wasn't exactly sure how long that whole process would take. Sighing, I stood up and stretched, my pants tented comically from a dick I knew wouldn't be behaving itself anytime soon.

Just as I reached for the door, planning to quickly sneak to the bathroom, my phone started ringing in my pocket.

Shit

, I thought,

what now?

Fishing it out of my pocket, I immediately started to sweat when I saw that it was Ryan himself calling.

Fuck fuck fuck, why is he calling me?!

I frantically thought to myself. We had never spoken on the phone before, only just through texts, and suddenly the situation left the realm of fantasy and became real to me.

A million excuses not to answer flew through my mind in an instant, and I just stared at his name on the screen that was shaking in my now nervously clammy palm. For some reason the thought of actually speaking to him with my own voice and hearing his on the other end of the line was almost too much. What the hell had I been doing? I couldn't actually go through with my guilty lust-driven plans to fool around with another guy! I'm not gay, I'm attracted to women!!

Jesus Christ, what the hell is wrong with me?

All of these shameful thoughts and more flashed through my head as I watched my traitorous thumb act of its own free will and press the answer button.

Oh God, what the fuck am I doing?!

"Um, hello?" I meekly answered, barely more than a hoarse whisper.

"Hey Ben, sorry but I'm just driving home. I wanted to text back but thought this might be easier than waiting for a red light." I'm not sure what I was expecting, but he sounded like a normal guy having a normal conversation, and not some perverted sex-demon hell-bent on ruining my life in the closet. When I didn't respond right away, he added, "So you almost got caught looking at something you weren't supposed to be hey?" I could practically hear him smirking.

Not trusting my own legs to hold me up, I quietly sat back down on the edge of the bed. My mind was still racing, but I managed to get out a short "Uhh, yeah, almost." I wasn't going to be winning any awards for my outstanding articulation any time soon.

He just laughed, probably sensing my nervous reluctance to speak. "It's okay man, I know this is all still so new to you but I figured that if we could get through a whole conversation on the phone, it'll take away some of the anxiety of actually meeting in person for you." After a silent pause, he added, "So, are you still alone?"

I just nodded dumbly at first, my brain still not quite working at its full capacity. Realizing my idiocy, I quickly said "Yeah, I'm in my room. They're downstairs." I was still practically whispering.

The change in his voice when he replied was nearly imperceptible, but I felt the blood begin to pump back into my poor, stressed out dick once again. "Good. I want you to pull up a picture of my cock and look at it while we talk, okay? Let me know when you've picked one."

As if on auto-pilot, my thumbs were already scrolling through my phone and without hesitation landed on my favorite picture of him, one where his hand was wrapped around the base of his fully hard, glistening cock in all its glory. His foreskin was pulled back, revealing the large, bulbous head that flared out impressively from his shaft. In that moment, I forgot my nervousness and was imagining myself taking him into my mouth.

"Okay, I've got it." I told him.

"Mmm, that was fast. Good boy." My whole body shuddered hearing him say those words. "Now, you can reply with just simple answers. I know you're still worried about anyone finding out how much you want my cock, so I won't force you to say anything that might be difficult to explain if you're overheard. Feel free to keep whispering if that makes you feel better. Is that alright?"

"Yeah, that works" I whispered, wondering where he was taking this conversation. I could still hear my roommates downstairs playing XBOX and raucously yelling and laughing at whatever they were doing.

"Perfect. So, you're looking at my cock right now. Do you still want to see it in person tonight?" he asked, his tone implying he knew exactly what I would say.

"Yes, I do...Very much so" I responded as I reached for my headphones so I could keep listening to him while simultaneously being able to flip through all the pictures he had sent me.

"Oooh, very much so hey? I like that. I think you'd look amazing with my cock in your mouth -- is that what you want?" I could still hear that stupid smirk in his voice. Having those words directed at me was a surreal experience, since I'd been on the other end of this conversation many times before with previous girlfriends and fuck buddies.

Unconsciously licking my lips and knowing my friends were well entrenched downstairs in front of the TV I replied, "god yes, I can't wait to taste you". I could still play this off as me talking to some girl if in the off chance my room was bugged, and my friends were listening in like some sort of secret double-agents.

Ryan, ever the thoughtful gentleman, framed his next question in a way that I could answer without revealing my hidden desires to my imaginary spies: "So when you come over tonight, you want to taste my cock? Should I just let you in and wait for you to drop to your knees for me without saying a word? I want a clear yes or no."

My heart, beating a million miles a minute, was definitely going to explode. "Yes." I whispered in response, thinking back to a conversation we'd had where I had told him I'd love to show up at some random fantasy guy's house and drop to my knees immediately for him. In that fantasy, I'd pull the guy's fat cock out and take his length entirely into my throat without any preamble or words exchanged. My own cock was painfully throbbing against my pants at this point, begging for release.

"Mmm, that sounds perfect. That's what we'll do then. You're going to come over around 8, and when I let you in you're going to drop to your knees and take my cock out. When you get to my door, you already know what's going to happen, so try not to be so nervous, okay? After that, we'll just go with the flow."

Picturing my fantasy potentially coming to life so soon, I could hardly form a coherent thought, so I just mumbled "yeah, okay". If anyone had been listening in, they'd surely think I was the most boring dirty talker in the world. Oh well.

"Alright then, I'll see you at 8 sexy. Text me when you're outside and I'll make sure I'm ready for you. Can't wait!" And with that, he hung up the phone while I was still lost in tantalizing thought while staring at his dick on my screen. It took me a moment to come back to myself and I shivered in anticipation. I knew then and there, without a doubt, I was going to go through with it. I was actually going to go fool around with another guy. Fuck, I was beyond excited.

****

As the warm water of the shower cascaded down my body, I watched in amazement as the hair that had previously been on my torso was washed away with it. Using a loofah, I washed away any stubborn hairs left behind, taking extra care to scrub and double scrub the areas surrounding my cock, balls, and ass. I was hypnotized by the sensation of the water splashing against my now-smooth, sensitive skin, and was oddly excited to reveal to Ryan what I'd done for him. I turned off the water, reaching out past the shower curtain to grab the towel hanging nearby. Sufficiently dry, I pulled the curtain back and stepped out to admire my handiwork. I had shaved my chest before, so I was relatively used to being mostly hairless, but this was entirely something else. Looking at myself in the mirror, I reveled in how smooth I looked and how sexy I felt, which was an altogether new feeling for me. I really hoped that he would like it.

I just stood there for a moment, taking it all in and marveling at the newfound sensations as I ran my hands over my smooth young body. I truly did feel sexy and, if I'm being completely honest, maybe even a little cute -- an even stranger feeling for a 6 foot, normally masculine and outwardly very straight, guy's guy.

I had one more surprise for Ryan, one I wasn't even sure if I'd have the nerve to tell him about, let alone show him, but in my supercharged state of hyper-arousal I wanted to be ready for anything. I double checked the bathroom door to make sure it was still securely locked, then reached out and picked up my new silicone plug. I had bought toys before this one, but I'd gotten rid of each and every one when the shame of my own desires inevitably reared its ugly head and I came down from whatever horny high I had been in. This one was a light pink silicone, not overly large but when I tried it for the first time the night before, I found that it fit snugly inside me and that I could comfortably sit down while wearing it.

I'll probably chicken out before I even think about taking my clothes off

, I thought to myself.

But fuck it, I'm so goddamned horny right now.

I pulled out a small bottle of lube that I kept in my shaving kit and squirted a generous amount onto the acorn-shaped toy, spreading the slippery substance with my free hand to coat every inch. Looking at my reflection staring back at me, I took a deep breath.

Are you actually doing this? Are you seriously about to put a toy up your ass as some misguided attempt at a "sexy" surprise for another man? Some guy you haven't even met yet?

The thought sent shivers through my body, making me feel oddly slutty, yet another foreign emotion being unlocked within my psyche.

Bending over slightly, I reached back to slide the silicone toy along my now hairless crack, seeking out my still very virgin hole. I closed my eyes, pushing the slick plug against my rosebud, feeling the pressure build until, with a quick pop and not much pain at all, the thickest part slipped past my tight ring and nestled itself inside it's new warm, wet home.

I stood up straight and opened my eyes to stare at the stranger in the mirror, feeling the toy shift slightly inside me as I did so.

You can do this

, I told the guy looking back at me, because surely this person wasn't me. Just then, the alarm on my phone went off, alerting me that I had better get this show on the road.

Fuck, how the hell is it already 7:30?!

Time had clearly stopped having any decipherable meaning whatsoever in this lucid dream I found myself trapped within.

I quickly tossed on my clothes, threw some product in my hair, then bounded down the stairs. Paul was on the couch watching TV and scrolling through his phone. "You feeling better?" he asked as I grabbed my shoes.

"Yeah man, just had to lay down for a while I guess" I responded, keenly aware of the intruder in my ass as I bent down to tie my laces. My cock was already at half mast just from the feeling, but remained thankfully unnoticeable behind the thick denim of my jeans.

"Well have fun and good luck dude, glad you're finally getting back on the horse after Laura." Jesus, if he only knew what horse I was planning on riding tonight.

Shoes on, I grabbed my keys and opened the door, trying to keep the guilty thoughts from showing too obviously on my face. "Not sure how late I'll be out, catch ya later" I managed, then headed out to my car.

****

I found myself standing in front of the door to Ryan's house, and almost turned around and left out of pure nervous terror. If my heart was near to exploding earlier, now it was an atomic bomb primed and counting down. Drawing from reserves of pure, focused willpower I didn't realize I still possessed, I took a deep breath and quickly knocked, half hoping this had truly all been just a dream and he wouldn't answer. If my heart didn't kill me soon, the anxiety I felt in that moment would just as easily finish me off.

Well, it wasn't a dream, and when Ryan opened the door with wearing his trademark sexy smirk, my brain went blank and all I could do was quietly thank the internet gods that he looked exactly like he did in all of his pictures. He was roughly 6'1, fit, clean shaven, with short, immaculately tidy hair. I stood there awkwardly staring, all of a sudden feeling extraordinarily shy.

"Hey you," he said smiling, "I almost expected you to get cold feet. Come on in."

Too awkward to say anything coherent, I just mumbled my acquiescence and stepped into his home. Glancing around, I was pleasantly surprised that it looked like he kept a very tidy house -- not quite the triple bachelor pad I was used to. My eyes found their way back to the man standing just in front of me, and my memory chose that moment to return to me what I had agreed to do during my earlier horny haze.

Ohmyfuckinggod I told him I'd take out his cock the moment I got here,

my brain screamed at me. My face must have betrayed my thoughts, because that infuriating smirk of his got wider and he nodded towards the floor, not taking his eyes from mine.